If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
