So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
