I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
