I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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