What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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