New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
