Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
