Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
