every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize