he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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