She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
