The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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