god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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