I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
