They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
