Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
