I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
