I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
