I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
