Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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