Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize