What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
