Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
