she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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