His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
