babies were throwing up all over the place
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
