I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
did you just send me my own nude
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
