yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
did i just pee glitter
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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