We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
