im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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