Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So many bounce houses so little time
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
