life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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