Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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