i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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