if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
