God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize