we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
