She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
