My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
