and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
