just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
