Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
