a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What a dumb baby whore.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
