She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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