I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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