Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
