Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize