whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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