I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize