just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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