Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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