Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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