we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
