I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize