Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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