if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
