Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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