Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize