Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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