Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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