Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
