You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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