remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
