Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
