My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
