She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
