Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
