You just made me feel so damn special
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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