6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
