it wasn't lemon gatorade
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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