Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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