i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
