The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
