just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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