OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
