watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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