I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
