You can't special order awesome
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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