If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
