i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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