I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
