Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
please come you make the beer taste better
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
