Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My balls are so social today.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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