I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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