I just pynch a tree in the face
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize