Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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