and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
