Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
