no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize