Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
