Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
