this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
