WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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