dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So squirting runs in the family.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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