Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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