This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize