so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
