she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
only you would photoshop your dick
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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