Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
