I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
