guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
