So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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