He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
