clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
