Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
