I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
