I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
