somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
