I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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