She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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