I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
