I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
