you would pick up someone in the library
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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