apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
