Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
