watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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