Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
