I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
