It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
