I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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