he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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